OGR 09/02/2017Hey Ruth - you've clearly been motoring to get your proposal as OGR-ready as it is. Well done. I like your story - I think the pain was worth it! I do think that you should consider an establishing shot of the the museum itself - and exterior shot, where we see the figures of the old man and the boy approaching it. I do think there's an opportunity here for some lovely world-building, as who says this museum has to be earth-bound - it could be somewhere like this!http://previews.123rf.com/images/vvoennyy/vvoennyy1411/vvoennyy141100076/33536439-Swallow-Nest-palace-on-top-of-Aurora-cliff-in-Crimea-isolated-on-white-background-Stock-Photo.jpgThere's an additional point to be made here about your visual concept for this museum, the things in it - indeed the world you're taking us too. There's something about your story that makes me think of a slight Persian or Islamic vibe - it's the stars and the telescope, as being somehow 'eastern' or a bit more exotic than Hogwarts anyway...http://www.historytoday.com/sites/default/files/telescope.jpghttps://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/61/ab/d7/61abd76b831193bddcea14fc92fe03b5.jpghttp://www.ancientherbalsjamaica.com/uploads/2/7/9/2/2792737/6124613.jpg?1335554990It's easy to think 'generically' about the term magician - top hats etc - and while I'm not suggesting that your characters are without charm, I do think that in terms of your environment etc. things are looking a bit generic. Working with a distinctive place and time and ethnicity and make design much more vibrant and dynamic, on account of the influence of strong visual reference. Anyway - it's a thought.In regards to character design, I think you need to embrace the opportunities for exaggeration and stylisation that comes with designing for animation. Currently, your boy and older gentlemen are very illustrative - they look like drawings in a picture book, as opposed to 'designs' to be considered for 3D modelling. I suggest you think in a much more shapes/forms based way - think structurally about these characters and consider what you already know about characters in 3D animated films - they're rarely 'just realistic humans' - and features are exaggerated, so where your old magician has a little grey beard, it would be better if his beard was a big characteristic of him, so more...http://thanksfornuthin.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/wizard-warm-up-sketch-doodle-characterdesign-magic.jpgJust take a look at these shape-driven approaches to distinctive character design:https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/b1/86/63/b18663d8d9060bb5f8d98190a42b09a4.jpghttps://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/69/57/30/6957306448dd5308d7a9ca5cb31aa530.jpghttp://p2.storage.canalblog.com/27/99/451798/37708621_p.jpghttps://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/39/41/7f/39417f9b2fcfc131f9c92e038e4f798a.pngI think you need to exploit fully the opportunities to design boldly and always with one eye on the prospect of creating your characters in 3D - so strong shapes, clear structures - especially when you're dealing with cloaks or robes etc - they need to be considered not as things hanging off a character's body, but structural elements of the whole character.In the end I'll say this - I think there's a slight danger that your story could slide into a kind of 'middle ground' in design terms, and I encourage you to look for some big, imaginative design-led ideas by which you might 'world-make' in some bold exciting ways!
Thank you for the feedback :3 I really like the idea of the castle overlooking a cliff!